If there’s one thing that guys have a hard time accepting, it’s getting flaked on. It happens to absolutely everyone. You can be the most amazing guy, with hundreds of dates under your belt, and still get cancellations when it comes to date time. In fact, if anyone tells you they do NOT get flaked on from time to time, you can stop taking any of their advice seriously.
When you’re talking to different women regularly, a lot of the numbers you get will simply not be solid. This is simply because while most guys wait until they are 99.95% sure that the girl is in love with them before asking her out on a date, you are being proactive and asking out girls who may not even remember your name. There are ways to prevent flakes, and we will teach you about them another time. Today we’re focusing on what to do when a girl cancels.
For a while, it was taught that you had to show the woman that you had a “no b.s.” attitude and that you would NOT tolerate any disrespect of your time. You’d let her know this was unacceptable and that she had to tell you how she’d “make it up” to you.
Don’t Get Reactive
To be honest, this might have actually worked better than the common sheepish “Ok, is tomorrow better?” However, it’s still a piss poor way to deal with women. Why? Because it’s reactive. You’re showing that a woman canceling on you could ruin your day.
Think about how Brad Pitt would respond if a girl he met at a club ended up flaking on a coffee date. Would he yell at her? If her name was Mary, he’d probably scroll down to the other M’s in his phone book to see what girl he’d like to invite out instead. Worst case scenario, he’d end up at N or O, before finding a girl to go out with that night.
While most of us do not have the options of Brad Pitt, the best thing we can do is to emulate what it would be like to have those options and seriously not care if a woman flakes. If a girl cancels the night before or the morning of, just say “Ok, that’s cool,” and let it go. Some advocate busting on girl for cancelling, but I think that’s a mistake for most newbies. It can be tough to act playful, when underneath there is some real resentment for what she’s doing. The safest thing to do is just be ok with it.
What Do You Consider Acceptable?
Most of the time, the girl will text you to cancel (most girls are pretty cowardly), so this shouldn’t be a problem anyway.
I would definitely wait a few days before asking her out again. You don’t want to seem too available, or too eager to see her again. It’s even better if you can ask her out for something at least slightly different from what your plans were on the cancelled date.
Now, you do have to set a personal boundary for flaking that you won’t tolerate. I have my own category of “severe flakes,” in which if a woman shows a complete disregard for my schedule, I won’t see her again. These include her either cancelling five minutes before, cancelling five minutes AFTER the date was supposed to begin, or just not showing up at all.
When this happens, I just won’t ask her out again. That’s it. You don’t need a big speech, and there’s no need to even announce that you’re over trying to make plans with her. Cool guys who get laid do not need to let women know that they’ve lost their chance at the big time. They just move on with their lives. If the girl calls after committing what you consider a severe flake, you can either politely let her know you’re not interested anymore, or simply not pick up. After all, if the positions were reversed, you’d just go to her voicemail indefinitely.
Flakes are a necessary part of your dating life, but they don’t need to get in the way of anything. Just accept them for what they are, and work on creating an abundance where it doesn’t matter if a girl comes out or not.