Have you ever wondered if a girl is flirting or just being nice? I have. And it has led me to embarrassing situations too. I remember once at a bar I was talking to a girl and she asked me over 5 questions in a row. What’s your name? Where are you from? How do you like it out there? And so forth. It made me ask myself “she must be into me, right?” We kept talking and a moment occurred where we locked eyes. I went in for the kiss, and got rejected. What the hell? She was asking all these questions and we locked eyes for a second it was unbelievable. It was then I realized there are more factors to consider when determining if she’s into you. Here are 10 ways to know for sure so you don’t get left hanging on the kiss like I did.

1. Hair Play

When a girl is into you she becomes more fidgety and will try to find ways to feed the compulsion. One common way is by taking her fingers and playing with her hair. Sometimes it’s twirling, sometimes fixing, but the key is to see if she’s looking at you while doing it. If the eye contact is there, so is the attraction.

2. Touchy-feely

Girls have a much different way of touching than guys. Guys like to assert dominance so they tend to touch a little more aggressively. Girls on the other hand, will touch in the most subtle way possible – so much so that it almost goes unnoticed. A girl will most often touch you after you say something funny or when you tease them. They will laugh and hit your arm or poke you. As a man you must pay attention to the subtleties during an interaction as they are important indicators of where you stand.

3. Eye Contact

There are two different types of eye contact a female makes. There is “I am listening to what you are saying” and there is “I am interested in you.” The way to distinguish is by looking at her head to see if it’s leaning forward. Here’s what it looks like…

Girl Intested

girl leaning into guy

Girl just listening

girl isn't leaning in

4. You are vs That was

When someone makes a joke, you laugh and say “That was funny” (notice the credit goes to the joke). When someone makes 10 jokes in a row you say “You are funny” (notice the credit goes to the person). The same rule applies with compliments from women. When a girl says “That was funny” you made her laugh, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s into you. Make her laugh a handful of times and get her to say “You are funny” now you are getting somewhere.

5. Proving Herself

Have you ever noticed yourself bragging or boasting to live up to another persons expectations? A girl doing this is an indisputable sign she is into you. You can test her level of interest by asking questions. Say you ask her if she can cook. She may respond with something like “I’m an excellent cook. And I enjoy cleaning up afterwards!” Or if you ask her if she’s adventurous. She may reply with “I love adventurous activities and living on the edge.” The more enthusiastic she is, the more likely she’s into you. Sometimes she genuinely won’t be interested in what you ask her so be sure to ask a few different questions.

6. Pay Attention To Her Speech

If a girl is talking slowly or unusually fast it’s a sign that she’s nervous. Unless Godzilla is standing behind you, she is probably nervous because she likes you. I was talking to a girl the other day and noticed her mouth moving at the speed of a Ferrari. I interrupted and asked “Are you nervous?” It worked just like scaring someone. She was startled for a second, and replied “Yes, I am.” And we both started laughing and she instantly felt more comfortable.

7. She Compliments You

A woman giving a compliment to a man happens about as often as a lunar eclipse so if she throws one your way, pat yourself on the back. What she compliments you on is also very important in finding out why she is interested. All girls have what Brad P. likes to call a “sexy stereotype” which is something they have hard-coded into their brain. If a girl compliments you on physical features, it’s good because you “fit” what she is naturally into so getting her will be easier. If she compliments you on a non physical feature such as “You’re so much fun” first off it means you’re doing a great job and second, her being into your personality creates a much deeper connection than a physical feature can. So while it is good to be well groomed, dressed, and in shape, it’s even more important to be in a great mood, have good energy, and have fun with it.

8. Sexual Comments

Girls will make sexual innuendos to show interest without coming off as promiscuous. When girls do this, you’ll want to play along but keep your cool. Ignoring it will make you look inexperienced or insecure about sex. You also don’t want to over do it and look like a total horn dog, however the latter is better.  I’ve had a girl say to me “does this turn you on?” while licking her lips and staring directly into my eyes. I said “Yes, but get your mind of the gutter, or don’t :).” Notice how I stay confident, but I don’t push it too hard. What’s weird is once you get comfortable talking about sex, girls will notice it before the subject even arises (no pun intended).

9. Hand Holding

There’s a game called the “trust test” where you take a girls hand and squeeze, and if she squeezes back it means she trusts you. If she doesn’t squeeze back it means she doesn’t trust you and you call her out on it. The problem with this test is most girls won’t squeeze back so usually they fail and you don’t truly know if they trust you or not. So I created my own version to see if she trusts you and is into you. Here’s what you do – Come up with a reason to relocate from where you’re standing. You can take her to the bar, move to a more quiet area, any reason works really. After she agrees, grab her hand and start walking towards the the new location. If she holds your hand firmly, she passes the test. If she leaves it so limp that if you were to loosen your grip a tiny bit it your hands would break apart, she fails. This is one of my favorite ways to feel her out because trust is key to a solid interaction.

10. Awwing and Ohhhing

Can you recall telling a female even if it was a family member a story that made them say “Aww?” Girls only do this when you show vulnerability or say something cute. Last week I was in Dominican Republic and a girl asked me where I was from. I responded with “Well my dad is half Persian and my mom says I come from heaven (my mom really did tell me that).” She made a longer aww sound than a person yawning! A dating coach named Captain Jack used to call these moments “heart melters.” Most guys have a tough time demonstrating vulnerability because they think it’s all about being Macho. Tell a girl enough heart melters and you won’t have to ask for her number, she will offer it to you.


I like to picture an interaction with a girl like a game of basketball. In basketball, there’s a scoreboard so you always know where you’re at and who’s winning. Getting a girl isn’t about winning, but it’s helpful to know where you are. If a girl flirts with you in any of these ways, it means you are getting closer to your goal. Next time you talk to a girl, keep these 10 tips in mind and it will give you the “score” of the interaction. Hope this helps and if you have any more questions related to flirting fire away.