A new relationship starts like a jumbo jet roaring off the runway.

It’s loud. Your relationship soars. You’re together all the time, you constantly flirt on Facebook, to the ire of your friends. When you’re out, she teases you mercilessly, but then makes it all worth it when she rips your clothes off the moment you’re alone.

It’s awesome.

And then, just like a giant 747, you hit cruising altitude and begin to coast.

The excitement dies down, the sappy Facebook messages taper off, the texts become less about what sexy panties she has on and more about what you should pick up for her at the grocery store.

You’re both bored, and you know it. It’s not that anything is wrong. You still like and appreciate each other’s company.

It’s just that the electricity is gone.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the bedroom. You’re still doing the deed, perhaps even frequently. But it’s the same thing every time. The same time, the same place, the same positions.

The good news is that if you can spice it up in the bedroom, it usually reignites the fire in the other areas of your relationship. There’s just something about a red-hot sex life that makes everything about your girlfriend seem better.

If your relationship has lost its passion, I have some pointers for you, things that will absolutely put the sex (and the fun) back into your relationship.

1. Try Erotica

Most women love the idea of using sex toys with their man, but many are too shy to just come right out and say it. But there’s a reason those sex-toy parties have exploded lately.

So why not let your woman try out those toys with you, instead of just when she’s by herself? It can be a boundary-pushing, liberating experience. If you’re relationship’s lost its fire, bringing in some bedroom accessories can be a great way to bring back the heat.

2. Strawberries and Cream

Whatever your “usual pattern” is, it’s time to break it up, and nothing does that better than fresh fruit and a can of whipped cream.

It’s easy to do, it’s tasty, and I promise you’ll find plenty to laugh about (the hot, sexy laughter, not the embarrassed kind) as you find new ways to explore each other’s bodies.

If the idea of sex and fruit doesn’t appeal to you, try chocolate syrup or any other spreadable, tasty food you prefer. I hear jello shots work wonders to loosen up inhibitions, if that’s a problem you think your girlfriend might have (wink, wink).

The idea is to use your imagination and to have fun with it. I promise you the sex will be amazing, once you get into it.

3. Location, Location, Location

This is the first thing you’ll usually see people recommend. They’ll say to go have sex on a rooftop or in the woods. And if you can get your girl to do stuff like this, go for it. The risk of getting caught ups the intensity and makes for a great moment every time you pass that location afterward (There’s a pizza place in my town like this. I laugh every time I drive by because of something that happened late one night in the parking lot a decade ago.)

But you don’t have to go this crazy with it. Try exploring every room in your house. Make a checklist of every piece of furniture and every flat surface. Then start checking them off.

Again, the idea is to break the stuffy pattern you’ve fallen into. If you want, you can even start in the “exotic” place (even if that just means it’s in the kitchen) and then migrate to your usual hook-up spot.

Just don’t do the “normal thing in the normal place,” whatever that looks like for you.

4. Be a Character

I worked with a girl once who had a huge thing for firemen. Her boyfriend was not a fireman, however, but they had a great relationship, and he was a hunk of a man. Exactly the kind of guy that would end up on a fireman’s calendar, if that was his chosen career.

But the guy apparently didn’t know about the fireman thing, and thus was missing out on a huge opportunity to use that to his advantage. I finally got to talking with him about it one night at a work party and convinced him to go buy a fireman’s outfit.

A week later my coworker came in on a Monday morning practically glowing. Her boyfriend had surprised her with the new getup, swept her off her feed (literally) and “rescued” her to the bedroom, where he did his best striptease and really made a show of it for her.

They were a good couple before that, but I’m telling you, when that guy put on that fireman’s costume, it took their relationship to a whole new level.

If your girl has a thing for men in uniform, and you haven’t gone and gotten that uniform, you’re missing out.

5. Don’t Have Sex at All

Want to really turn the tables on your girlfriend? Set up a romantic evening. Candlelight dinner, bubbles in the bath, rose petals on the bed. The whole works.

But here’s the catch. You make it 100% about her, and you patently refuse satisfaction for yourself.

Give her the longest, deepest, full-body massage of her life. Spend another hour just running your hands along her body, giving her pleasure in every way you know how. If she gets horny, get her off with your hands or by going down on her.

But don’t let her turn the tables. You keep that raging hard on (and you will have a raging hard on) locked away for the evening, no matter how much she begs for it.

You should end the evening with the two of you lying on the bed, you softly stroking her skin until she drifts off to sleep.

Here’s a pro tip to go with this one: do this to her on a Friday night or on an evening before a day you know she has off of work and has no plans for the morning.

More often than not, that beautiful woman of yours, the one who drifted off into a gentle sleep the evening before, will wake up with a sexual passion for you beyond anything you’ve probably experienced since the first time you slept together.

Get ready to get attacked, in other words. Because what you did for her is rare and will be deeply appreciated.

I don’t recommend you go all out like this all the time. Make it a once every few months thing. Often enough that she loves it when it happens. But not so often that she ever expects it. It’s the selfless sacrifice of your desire that will blow her away, but if you do it too often, it will just become another boring part of your usual routine.

6. Clean It Up

I still vividly remember the first time I took a shower with a girl. She had some kind of unique showerhead that kept the water hot forever, if she wanted to stay in there that long.

“I like to take long showers,” she said to me with a smile before we got in.

Translation: we made nice, twice, and then a third time once we made it to her bed. It’s still one of the most amazing nights I’ve ever had with a girl.

There’s just something about the steam, the slipperiness of the soap, and the passion of your naked bodies moving against each other in the water.

Girls love it too. If you take the time to wash their hair, massage their shoulders, and clean them, slowly from head to toe, you’ll easily get her nice and warmed up for some amazing sexual action, whether there in the shower or in a few minutes once the two of you transition to the bedroom.

One word of caution: unless you’ve got an eternal hot-water system like my girlfriend did, I recommend you hold the actual sex for the bedroom, instead of doing it all in the shower. It’s awesome to be thrusting away, hot water pouring down your back, your woman bent over in front of you, moaning away with her hands against the wall. But if the water goes cold in that moment, it will ruin your mojo. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Trust me, do all the foreplay you want in the shower, but when you want to actually do the deed, it’s time to move it to the bedroom.


It’s worth noting that all relationships go through these up and down phases. I know some of you haven’t really had a long-term relationship, so the idea that you could ever not want to have sex with your beautiful girlfriend is unthinkable to you.

Mark my words guys: sooner or later it’s going to happen to you too. You will be in a relationship that started intensely but then faded into the mundane.

The best way to avoid these doldrums is to commit yourself to constantly pursue that woman of yours. Just because she’s already yours, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you try to pick her up.

Do that and use the tips I’ve given you, and you’ll be out of that funk in no time.

Ever been bored in your relationship? What did you to break out of the rut?