In the 1970’s movie “The Jerk”, Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin) was ecstatic to see his name in the phone book. Now, his name was, as he said, “in print”. He yelled, “this is the kind of spontaneous publicity that makes people, your name in print”.
Back in the 1970’s, when the movie was filmed, having your name in a phone book was the only way random people could find out your number. Navin was ecstatic because now people could call him up.
Unfortunately, he didn’t realize that simply having your name in a phone book didn’t mean people would actually call or notice your name. I’m not here to discuss movies, but I brought this up for a reason.
Let’s say you go out tonight to a bar and chat it up with a cutie. At the end of the night, you ask for her number and give her yours. Great. Guess what? That doesn’t mean you’re getting laid, nor does it mean you’ll ever speak to her again. So don’t go high-fiving your homeboys just yet.
Some things to take into consideration
When you get a girl’s number, you have to consider a few things before getting excited. The fact of the matter is many girls you meet in bars are flakes. What I mean by that is they don’t always follow through with what they tell you.
She might act completely into you and appear excited to take down your phone number, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to call, for a number of reasons:
- She met someone else she liked better later that night.
- She was drunk at the time.
- She got back with her ex-boyfriend.
- She was just being nice and never really liked you.
- She changed her mind about you.
- Her friends told her after you left they didn’t like you and that convinced her not to waste her time with you.
A phone number is just that…a phone number. It isn’t a winning Lottery ticket. For all you know, the number she gave you might be her ex-boyfriend’s digits. Or someone else’s. And even if it is her number, like I said, she just might change her mind about wanting to continue speaking with you.
Don’t get too excited until you’ve sealed the deal
I’m not trying to rain on your parade here. You certainly should be happy to get digits. And you shouldn’t assume she isn’t going to call you. Not every girl is a flake. Many will give you a real number and legitimately be waiting for your call.
But I do want to make you aware of something. Getting that number guarantees nothing. So don’t get too excited until you seal the deal. This will lessen the sting of getting rejected if it does happen. Basically, be cautiously optimistic about your chances with her after getting her digits.
Take on the mindset that you’ll be happy if she calls you back, but won’t be upset if she doesn’t. This will make your life much easier.
Possible outcomes after getting her digits
The ultimate goal is to hookup with her and potentially build something more with her. That happens when you impress her the evening you meet her and then have some nice conversations with her following.
If you don’t achieve your goal, there are other outcomes to prepare for. The first one is for her to never call/text you. This may happen because of any of the reasons listed above.
Another potential outcome is she does call/text you but she doesn’t say much. Just the friendly, “hey how are you” texts. In this scenario, she’s just being friendly. If she really did want the relationship to progress, she would be more chatty.
And then, there’s the worst kind of outcome – when she straight up flakes on you. She answers your calls and responds to your texts. And when you ask her out, she accepts the invitation…but never shows up.
What I’m trying to get across to you is that just getting a phone number doesn’t guarantee a thing. Women often flake on guys they give their digits to. Don’t let it bother you. Okay, now let’s talk about how to get those digits…
Getting the digits
I rarely “get” digits anymore. Why? Because women GIVE them to me. If you continue to follow my advice, you’ll experience the same outcome more often than not. It’s going to take some practice, but eventually you’ll get to this point. Until then, try this…
“We should exchange numbers”
Seriously, that’s all you have to say. NEVER….and, I repeat…NEVER ask her for her digits. Do NOT give her an option. Ask any great salesman how he closes a sale. He NEVER asks the customer to buy. He TELLS the customer to buy. TELL her you should exchange numbers.
However, even tough you’re telling her you want to exchange numbers, don’t pressure her. Make her feel like this is something she wants to do. Therefore, it’s best if, when bringing the topic of exchanging digits up, you kept your cell phone in your pocket instead of busting it out.
She’ll feel less “forced” to give you her digits if she doesn’t feel like you’re forcing your phone down her throat. Make sense? You don’t need your phone anyway because she will likely ask you to get your phone out. She’ll say something like, “do you have your phone? Why don’t we just trade numbers?”
There is one other smooth way of getting her digits but I should warn you…it’s going to take some practice to pull off. You’ll get rejected the first few times so don’t let it bother you. I call this the “time bridge”.
The time bridge is a slick way of getting digits, but some women sniff it out. How this works is you’ll be in a conversation with a girl and bring up some future event you’ll be attending, say, a Dropkick Murphy’s concert.
“I’m going to see Dropkick Murphy’s on Thursday. I’ve always wanted to see them in concert and I’ve heard they put on a badass show”. If this sounds like an interesting time to her, she’ll let you know that sounds fun. That gives you an opportunity to bust out the, “you should come” line.
If she agrees, ask her for her digits so that you can plan things out. Again, you may run into some women that sniff this out, knowing you’re just trying to get her digits. It happens sometimes. Don’t let it bug you.
Like I said, this isn’t simple to pull off. So a better way for the inexperienced guys is to use the time bridge for a lesser event. A big concert is a big activity with many people attending. Try something more one-on-one. For example, Happy Hour at a local restaurant/bar you like.
“Bill’s Pub has some pretty awesome Happy Hour specials. I usually go in Tuesday’s for some chicken wings and drinks”. If this sounds like something she’s interested in, invite her out and get her digits. It’s simple and works like a charm.
You can even include your friends and her friends in this. It doesn’t have to just be you two going out for Happy Hour. Meeting new people is never a bad idea. Expanding your social circle leads to a happy life. Don’t be afraid to meet her friends. Even if things don’t work out between you two, maybe you’ll make some new friends in the process. And maybe those friends will help you meet women.
What to do if she turns down your offer
There’s nothing more upsetting than asking a girl for her digits and not getting them. But don’t let it ruin your day. You can either try to stick with it and change her mind or just move on to someone else. In most cases, it’s best to move on. But if you feel like you still have a chance, stick with it.
There are different types of rejections and different reasons for rejection. Maybe you asked too soon and she wants to get to know you better first. Maybe you waited too long and now she’s lost some interest. Or maybe you didn’t ask for her digits the right way and it seemed too awkward for her.
If she gives you ANY of the following lines, you have absolutely NO chance with her and it’s time to just move on:
“Sorry, I have a boyfriend”
“I’m not dating right now”
“How about you just give me yours instead?”
“I’m a lesbian”
Most of those lines are lies but you should take the hint. Women say these things to guys they absolutely cannot stand. It’s a nice way of saying, “leave me the hell alone you nasty creeper!”
Determining when the time is right to ask
Deciding when to ask for her phone number can be a bit tricky. There are certain obstacles to overcome. It all depends on how the interaction is going, the current time and the maximum length your current interaction with her will last.
How the Interaction is Going
If you haven’t qualified her properly, it’s too early to ask for her digits. If she isn’t making physical contact, it might be too early to ask for her digits. If she doesn’t know at least a few key things about you, it’s too early to ask for her digits. If she doesn’t appear comfortable with you, it’s too early to ask for her digits. If you’re good on all these factors, it’s time to ask for her digits.
The Current Time and Maximum Length of Interaction
If you’re out at a bar and closing time is fast approaching, you need to start making your move before it’s too late. If you’re at a restaurant and her waitress just brought the check, you better get those digits fast. If you know you have plenty of time before the current interaction will conclude, there’s no hurry.
Make sure she really does take down your number
Before cell phones, men and women exchanged numbers on a piece of paper. The guy never had a chance to make sure the girl wouldn’t lose the number. That piece of paper could easily end up in the trash or get ripped apart.
With cell phones, things are easier for us guys. We can ensure she takes down our digits. After she gives you her digits, don’t wait until later to call her. Do it right there so that you know she has your number and knows whose number it is.
Dial her phone number and then tell her to add you as a contact. It’s that simple. Another way to ensure she has your number is to ask her if you can type your name and number directly into her phone.
If you want to get creative, try a roleplaying scenario when exchanging numbers. This will probably make her laugh as well as ensuring she has your digits. Think back to something you’ve been talking about with her. Maybe you discussed your favorite baseball team.
Let’s say you told her you’re a die-hard Boston Red Sox fan and she told you she is a die-hard New York Yankees fan. Put her name in your phone as “Cute Yankees Fan” and tell her to put “Cute Red Sox Fan” in her phone under your contact number. This is a smooth, fun way to ensure she remembers you.
Now that you know how to get her digits, stick around for some valuable tips on perfecting your phone game.