The eternal dance of the sexes has always involved men looking to meet women in order to produce offspring or at least, avoid the temptation of being alone for too long. If you think about it, there are two ways of meeting women in the 21st century, online dating and random meeting. It’s tough out there, but take heart, because you can find the woman of your dreams, or at least the girl of the hour. So, let’s just take it one small step at a time.
Most people are wide awake and moving around during the day far more than we are during the night. For instance, we work, we shop, we eat and we travel. For those of us who live in populated areas, there are a multitude of opportunities where we get to meet beautiful women during the day.
When contemplating how to meet women, you have to understand that it’s really a numbers game, which means you’re only going to meet women if you ‘get out there’ more often. First off, you’ll need to look for a place where you can meet the most women, for instance, a bar or the park, while you’re walking your dog.
One of the best places for meeting women has to be the mall, and there are four reasons why guys who want to pick up women should start off at malls. Firstly, there’s less male competition, the girls are a lot classier (less slutty than in the club scene). Women at malls also don’t mind being approached by guys since they’re there to be seen anyway. And finally, it is the only place where you will find the innocent pack of budding 18 to 22 year olds. Most guys would hit the clubs to meet women, but let’s face it. Clubs nowadays have people crammed in them like sardines, and to make things worse there’s a hundred cheese balls all looking to score on 30 something’s.
Nothing beats taking in a flick in the movie theater at the mall, munching on your favorite chow at the food court and taking in the classier breed of females in designer wear, socializing with their equally sexy friends. When it comes to the dynamics of meeting women at the mall, again, it all comes down to numbers. The truth is that while a certain segment of the female population wouldn’t mind being hit on at the mall, there are those who won’t respond to your advances. You just need to keep your chin up and keep at it. The more you approach women the more you will get the attention of the responsive segment of females at the mall.
Getting Started ─ THE BIG 12
One of the most bizarre things about high school is that they spend so much time on teaching us about ways to prevent teenage pregnancies and the various kinds of crotch diseases that they completely leave out the important shit that really matters. Like how the hell are we supposed to go about it when we are old enough to want the stuff those biology classes were pressing for. We’re not talking about fucking (internet porn has that part covered), but the stuff that leads to it like, how to approach women, what to say, and how to present yourself. You know the basic stuff.
Since the most basic part of a relationship, that is, finding someone was conveniently left out at Mrs. T’s biology class, in the spirit of romantic philanthropy, we will attempt to get you through the several stages of how to meet women. But not just any woman, like they teach you at those fucking boot camps, they’re built on a foundation of dishonesty and there are several reasons why you can’t pull off that kind of bullshit when attempting to meet the fairer sex, but that’s a whole other topic.
Over here you are going to learn the brass tacks of what it takes to meet women, by being honest to yourself, and not just for the purpose of obtaining sex, or one night stands, (but hey, if it happens, good for you!).
Picture this, you’re at the mall and you see a beautiful girl. Do you approach? Can you approach?
Of course you can, because you have what it takes. Don’t believe me. Reach down between your legs if you came up with two, army-filled globes of untold testosteronic power…congratulations, you are a dude. But you also have two other things to start off with, legs to walk to her and a mouth to talk to her. The following are some pointers you would want to keep in mind before attempting to approach women at the mall.
Break it Down
First off, there is absolutely no need to regard the Mall as one giant component, that will just make the task at hand even more intimidating. Instead, break things down, remember that the Mall is made up of coffee shops, clothing stores, fast food outlets and gadget stores. So, instead of roaming like a wolf at the outskirts of the Mall why not get in to the cafes and coffee shops inside the Mall.
Training Your Eye
Approaching women helps towards training your eye to become more aware of the various opportunities which are already present within your surroundings. If you know that you need to approach a girl, in time, you will get good at noticing the attractive girls around you.
Your purpose here should be to establish a feel for the woman’s current momentum, as in, is she interested or not? It’s not a good idea to approach a moving target since they’re not likely to stop and chat with a total stranger, especially if they have some place to go.
It doesn’t have to be Perfect
Never worry about running the perfect line while you approach a lady. It’s not even important to continue the conversation. If you happen to be short on time, just make your interaction a quick one. Remember, you are here to meet women, so it’s more important to approach than to seal the deal. Don’t let the pressure of “what if” keep you from taking action when you see an opportunity.
Once you’ve spotted a girl at the mall, and you get that feeling of “I should/could/can approach her” stop thinking and approach her.
Let’s just say that there is this cute girl standing in the electronics store looking at the new iPhone. Align your buying intentions to hers, even if, in reality, you are dead broke. This is one of the best ways of starting a conversation. You can start off your conversations with talking about the color of the phone, and its specs. Or if you catch her eyeing a certain color, ask her why? Is it her favorite color, or does it represent her character? If you bother, there are countless topics you can think about as conversation starters.
Be Classy instead of Ballsy
Some guys find it hard to approach women no matter where they are, and it only gets tougher if you don’t have a wing man to encourage you.
If you do find yourself alone and can feel your knees rattling, just take off some of the pressure by scaling the opener you are thinking to use. It doesn’t have to be direct or ballsy, go for situational and low-key. For instance, you can always use a functional opener like, “hey, excuse me, do you know where XYZ is?” This is much better and will even sound more natural than, “I saw you from over there and I just had to say hi because you’re gorgeous!”
Just as you would gradually add more weights to your workout, scaling up your approach will allow you to develop the confidence needed to deliver openers more easily and with much more enthusiasm.
Ask her Questions like You’re a Tourist
This has to be, by far, one of the best ways of approaching a girl you like at the mall. Yes, pretend you are a tourist who’s visiting the country from another place. I know that we mentioned honesty early on, but a little white lie never hurt anyone and you can always confess that you aren’t later, and she probably won’t even care. “Excuse me, but do you know…” that’s all it takes. And you Sir now have a bridge into a steady dialogue. YW!
Be the Leader
Any guy who’s been in a relationship will tell you that in the throws off passion, women respond to physical dominance (ever pinned her arms over her head during sex. That’s what it is). This principle can also be used outside the bedroom. Taking a woman by the hips, pulling her closer, or touching her arm while having conversation are all ways in which you can break the touch barrier. But make sure you don’t go too far, unwanted touched will only creep her out.
If you go for an act of leading, don’t sweat it if she doesn’t follow. All you need to do is baby-step smaller by using more palatable requests until she eventually warms up to your intentions. While approaching women, you can use a direct opener, then transition off the opener by asking her where she’s from. Continue talking, and immediately lead by asking her to sit at a nearby bench or café.
At this stage, you will want to remain unphased if you want her to sit with you. Take baby steps by asking her for her hand, (“Give me your hands…hmm, okay…come sit”). The physical leading in itself does not need to make sense here, all you need to do is just go through the ladder stage to build the momentum for her.
Build Up On the Emotional Spike
Another way to gain ground quickly during an interaction is by building up on the emotional spike. What this means is, if you want to move the woman you have met at the mall over to another location and she doesn’t feel comfortable doing that, just wait for a while. Smile at her while you talk, it builds trust. If you neg them and you’re not smiling, they will just take it very seriously and walk away.
Women like guys who have a good sense of humor so make her laugh, impress her with your wit, and as she feels that good emotion, take her by the hand and lead her, (“Come on, let’s try out that cafe over there”).
Guys who hit the gym will relate to this one. How many times has this happened to all of us. We hit the gym full or enthusiasm and novelty, and the temptation of getting that hot summer bod ready for the beach season pushes us to log in long hours and go to the gym as frequently as we possibly can. But sooner or later, down the road, we experience the inevitable burn out. At that time, we seem to have hit a brick wall, we lose motivation, and its months before we muster up the courage to darken the gym door again.
On the flip side, it’s much healthier to visit the gym thrice a week, and do shorter reps. This not only lest us stick to our routine for the long haul but also gives us the benefits that come along with staying fit.
It is extremely important to consider this point while starting off on your mission to approach women. For example, one a day for an entire month is far better than burning yourself out with 10 in a week.
Find Your Window
To avoid the last point, try to look at your lifestyle for a minute. Find the window of time when you can make your daily approach at the mall without it clashing with your other responsibilities, and stick to it. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, but it is important to find your window.
This one is so important it might as well be right up there after ‘Break it down.’ Always remember to leave your home dressed well. Women dig guys who look good and look like they take care of themselves. So, throw out any bad clothes to avoid the temptation to wear them. The bottom line here is to not let dressing badly be the reason why you won’t approach a girl at the mall, or any place for that matter. Dressing well will most definitely have a positive impact on all your interactions with girls and with everyone else in your life as well.
This one should have been tied up with the last, but we think it deserves its own slot. Yes, it is important for you to be attractive, or at least try to be attractive (otherwise you won’t have anything to talk about). On a serious note, you handsomeness will put the ladies at ease, and will also ensure that they stay aroused during the entire course of your courting session. Plus, it’s just good etiquette to present the best of yourself since the woman you intend to sleep with will most probably be attractive too, think of it as returning the favor.
Get yourself a Wingman / Mentor
Ideally, your daily approaches at the mall should always be done solo, this will not only help you build confidence, but also know where you went wrong and need to improve. But since most women travel in packs like zebras and caribou, particularly at malls, having a wing man who will give you a reality check every once in a while to make sure you’ve done your approach well doesn’t hurt either. In fact, this added motivation might just be what you need to kick start the reason of your endeavor.
Even though you’re looking for girls who are graceful, but also a bit off balance (ever seen an ice-skating swan) the first thing you ought to do while interacting with women is to establish a solid platform of mutual respect. In other words, you need to avoid a “thin slice.” But when it comes to making first impressions, people usually make two big mistakes.
1. Trying To Demonstrate Higher Value
It’s good not to start showing all of your value up front. Trying to impress her by talking about how cool your life is will be a risky game to play. It’s exactly this kind of rapport seeking which differentiates the “not quite there” needy types from the top 10%.
Try this. The up-and-coming investment banker can’t wait to tell everybody about all the money he’s responsible for, but on the other hand, the owner of the bank doesn’t feel the need to parade his goods wherever he goes.
2. Making a Big Deal of the Other Person’s Value
Most people make a big deal when it comes to recognizing the main value of the other person. The ‘main value’ here, being the single most valuable aspect about that person. For instance, if you were to meet a celebrity, normally people gush at how good their movies or music is. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, it will most probably only get you a smile, a handshake or maybe a few seconds of dialogue, and that’s it. It will unlikely result to mutual respect or desire, if any, for further contact.
The key to build mutual respect here is to relate to a topic outside of the woman’s “main value proposition” and then add value to that. For instance, while it is important to respect women who have a significantly higher value than you, you don’t need to emphasize on it, but rather to neutralize it without making her feel uncomfortable or coming across as being rude.
The concept of neutralizing a woman’s value can be as simple as teasing her when you meet. So, whenever you are approaching a beautiful woman at the mall, don’t focus your entire conversation on her physical beauty. Instead, focus more on her value so much that she feels like the two of you are not of equal or higher value.
With high value women focusing away from their main source of value will help you build rapport. The trick here is to subtly encourage her in to qualifying herself to you on other topics. In this way, you can tacitly increase your value in her eyes. This happens because people do not normally encourage other people to qualify themselves, that is, unless they are a high-value person. But by letting a person qualify to you, it equalizes the value of both parties at a certain level.
Dealing with Approach Anxiety
When meeting women the first obstacle that you will need to face (and conquer) is approach anxiety. Symptoms of approach anxiety or AA are quite similar to social anxiety attacks and can range from feeling short of breath, nervousness and stomach clenching. Another symptom of approach anxiety can also be described as the excuses one makes in justifying why they shouldn’t go ahead and approach a woman. While all of these physical and psychological symptoms can be debilitating at times, there are ways in which one can overcome its effects.
The following lines are going to be about how one can overcome approach anxiety. In order to understand the reason why approach anxiety occurs, one needs to understand that approach anxiety is normal, as in, our bodies react in certain ways when we decide to take risks or something we’ve never attempted before.
Approach anxiety comes from the amygdala, which is the exact same part of our brain, which activates and makes us feel the adrenaline rush we get on a roller coaster ride or when we go sky diving. Those of you who are familiar with it may describe it as the reaction of one freezing in their place, tongues stuck to the roofs of their mouths and feet glued to the ground. The reality is that it basically means that you are doing something right, so, what if you’re moving out side of your comfort zone. Even the Don Juan’s of the world have experienced approach anxiety at some point, so stop being so hard on yourself.
Okay, so approach anxiety or AA doesn’t feel very good or sexy while trying to get the attention of a beautiful woman at the mall, but it doesn’t really need to be like this.
The following things can help you make approaching fun.
Embrace It, Don’t Fight It!
First of all you need to know that as men, we are meant to challenge ourselves, because living life within the comfort zone is boring, unnatural and unhealthy. In fact, having a lack of excitement in one’s life can lead to a person becoming clinically depressed. Besides that, how boring would life be if we always knew what would happen next. So to overcome approach anxiety, the first thing you have to do is embrace it.
A Cold Approach does not mean Rejection
No woman can ever reject you simply on the basis of a cold approach. Think about it for a sec, she doesn’t even know you yet. She doesn’t know what type of a guy you are, so even if she does blow you off, you cannot call that rejection. As a matter of fact, you should learn from it instead of looking at it negatively. Remember, there’s nothing like a few knocks to get you the feedback you need.
One of the worst long term affects of approach anxiety has to be regretting you never did anything about it. To get a better prospective, look at it this way, you see a beautiful woman at the mall every day, but you choose not to approach her. After ten years, that’s 3,650 beautiful women or 3,650 missed opportunities, where you had the chance to do something, but didn’t. Now think about how many of those beautiful women had great personalities to go, and how many of those you could have instantly clicked with? But now, you’ll never know. Do you feel it? Does it hurt? Sure it does, it should, because you did that to yourself.
Does She Meet Your Standards?
OK, so you’re at the mall to meet women, but it doesn’t have to be just any woman. That would be like going to Oxford to learn how to spell. You want to meet high quality women, whether you have standards or don’t is besides the point. So, how do you do that? First, you need to act like you do (have standards). This is going to be the first phase of not just picking up women at the mall, but picking up the right women.
Again, this is a numbers game. If 80% of the women you meet at the mall do not meet your standards, you will need to approach a lot more women to find the ones that do. It’s a lot similar to finding a new job, getting a new car or a house. In other words, getting to know a woman is important, so you need to approach them.
Do You Have (Approach) Game?
One thing every man needs to know is that women like to be approached; it reassures them of their femininity and flatters them as well. But this is only something which you will realize once you start approaching women more often. The only reason most guys fail at approaching women is because they are doing it wrong. This forces women to set up an invisible shield which keeps men from approaching them, but if you play you’re cards right, breaking through that shield will be your first “A-HA” moment.
So, what are the reasons why women set up those shields in the first place? Well, the answer is simple. All women look for confident men, and your approach tells her all she needs to know about you. Are you confident? Do you have social intelligence? And are you pre-selected? Any man who has all of these boxes ticked will never hesitate in approaching any woman, no matter how hot she is.
How to Develop Your Approach Game
Now that we’ve settled the approach part, let’s dig deeper in how you can develop the game of a Don Juan.
The 3 Second Rule
Sure you’ve heard this one before. It’s been around for ages, and the reason it has been around for ages proves that it works. The name speaks for itself, but to elaborate, it basically means that you should approach a woman within three seconds of seeing her, or her seeing you seeing her. The longer you wait, the longer your approach is going to be, until it fizzles out, and hey! look, there’s some other guy next to her where you should have been.
Staying put will only make you more nervous, let approach anxiety sink its claws into you until you just nudge yourself towards the exit. Besides that, once she picks up on your nervousness, it will make getting her interest even harder. But, on the other hand, if you do approach her within 3 seconds of her seeing you, she will see you as a confident man of action, instead of a wimp.
Approaching women is easy, all you need is one or two solid openers. No need to reinvent the wheel, just think of something natural or try some of the tried-tested and approved ones online.
Warm up simply means to get in state, and since humans are extremely state driven, here are a few ways of getting warmed up before you hit the mall.
- Listen to high-energy music or whatever works for you or gets you “in the zone.”
- Have a drink / smoke. A single shot of vodka or a smoke is all you need to control your nerves.
- Grinning: Do it even if you have to fake it. It important because smiling releases a chemical called serotonin in to the brain which improves your mood and energy levels.
- Visualize: Imagine that you’re already on your way to her. See yourself as the life of the party, women laughing and having a good time with you etc. It works.
Sticks and Carrots
You should train your mind and body in to acting in the way you want by punishing and rewarding yourself for bad or good behavior.
This one is easy. You can use an elastic band around your waist as punishment. Let’s say, you saw an attractive woman at the mall, but missed your chance of approaching her. Snap the elastic band to associate your pain with the failure of approaching. You can use a number of other ways to try this technique too, like skipping TV or a beer. These small and harmless sticks or punishments will motivate you the next time you see a chance at approaching an attractive woman at the mall.
A reward can be something as simple as a self-congratulation, smile to yourself, clench your fist and savor the moment. Afterwards you can treat yourself to a smoothie or a couple of beers with friends, whichever works for you.
But sticks and carrots aren’t going to be enough. You will have to set specific goals for yourself that will be attached to specific rewards and punishments. To break the camel’s back, aim for multiple approaches in a single day, this is important especially when you’re getting started. But don’t try to hard or you’ll just burn yourself out.
Maintain a Journal
Having a positive approach is all you will need to grab the attention of a woman. To do that you need to feel excited about the process of approaching rather than feeling fear. But keeping track of how many positive approaches you have done can be hard, especially if they are few and far between, which is again, perfectly normal at the start.
One of the tricks of keeping track of how many great approaches you have actually done is by maintaining a journal. Yes, it will look like you’re cheating at first, but taking note of your positive experiences will help. Besides that, flicking through the pages is guaranteed to energize you when you’re feeling low and can sometimes all you need to get back in the field.
How’s Your Fashion?
Having problems getting a good look together? No need to feel bad about yourself because of it. We’ve all been there. It’s just something that some guys, most guys…okay, all guys have to work on themselves. We all already know that being fashionable or following the latest Hollywood trends isn’t all that’s going to get you attention from the fairer sex? Fashion isn’t everything, but yet, having a good look will certainly help attract a few glances towards you, and all of you would agree that it does help when trying to meet women. Think of it as a way of getting a foot in the door.
Staying with that thought, let’s just talk about a few things here real quick. For the best long term results, it is always useful to develop and try to come up with your own style when interacting with women.
While you’re at that, try out a number of things, by constantly experimenting, learning from your previous mistakes, and upgrading your style along the way. This is by far, the best way to up your game when it comes to developing fashion sense.
To find a combination that works best, you will need to go through the process of trial and error, simply because the truth is that a hat, shirt, jacket that looked great on Brad Pitt won’t necessarily look great on you.
Tips on Fashion
Here are some tips on how you can improve your fashion.
At the beginning, it’s important to start off small and not go overboard. Even having a template does not take away the fact that developing great fashion sense is a learning curve that takes time, patience and lots of errors. Sometimes you will buy something that you’d think was great at the time, but just looked wrong or not you, once you got it home. These things happen, and it’s an important part of your education, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Try Something New
Nobody said you couldn’t be open to prospects. Sometimes it’s a good idea to try out something that you absolutely wouldn’t wear. You will find that more often than not, the stuff you though wasn’t ‘you’ really worked once you tried it on, so you never know. Just keep your options open and not limited to jeans, T-shirts and jackets.
Look Around You
We all know at least one guy who has great fashion sense. Take a look at what he wears, what works for him, and then get specific. This is where you need to notice color combinations, accessories etc.
The 5 Things Every Man should not leave Home without when Scoping for Women
When approaching women you should realize that there will be some factors that will just be out of your control. There are a number of things that can happen while you’re acting like a cat on the prowl, and some of them won’t necessarily be pretty too. While those scenarios might seem like there was nothing you could have done about it, that isn’t entirely true.
In fact, there are many scenarios in which any man can take control of the situation, and it wouldn’t require him to have a certain set of skills either, just some common sense and the following items.
Before we get into the list, remember this, the following are some of the things that you should keep with you to improve your game when trying to meet women at the mall, or anyplace else for that matter.
A Phone (that doesn’t just ring)
Wait a minute, everybody has a phone right? But make sure you have one that can send, take and receive pictures or videos. This is for those you-won’t-believe-what-I-saw moments. And believe me, there will be plenty of those to come, so stay frosty and more importantly, be prepared.
A lighter (with a back story)
Again, everybody has a cigarette lighter right? Or at least everybody who smokes does. But this shouldn’t be just some lighter you picked up from the pawn shop. There should be a story behind it, preferably an interesting one. You might have noticed that there are many places where smoking is banned or not allowed, this usually leaves people with no choice but to go outside for a smoke. If she asks you for a light, either because she’s thinks you’re cute and is interested, or genuinely needs a light, you get to pull out your snazzy lighter with a back story and BAM, instant conversation starter.
Breath Mints: (Don’t leave home without it)
Obviously, if you’re a guy, buddy don’t kid yourself. You need the breath mints. The thing that’s not so obvious will be the fact that she might not want to even come near you if your mouth smells like a skunk crawled in there and died. So, stay safe and make sure you have a supply before you leave the man cave.
Better still, next time you visit Europe or South America, get yourself a whole stack of breath mints. This way, whenever you pull one out to offer her, she will definitely ask you about them.
Condoms (two of them)
While we’re on the topic of protection; condoms boys. No, don’t rely on your trusty bedside table where you always keep a stack just in case. You might end up being at her place. Then what wise guy? Even if you’re not going back to her place to have the sex, and she’s been trying to keep all “plausible deniability” that you and her are definitely not going to ‘do it tonight’, it just seems a bit awkward to be stopping at the gas station to get condoms. Don’t do it!
Now how else are you going to invite her back to your place for “one last drink” after the bar is closed I might add. You get yourself a nice bottle of wine, vodka or some girlie mixers, or better still, champagne. That will get you the brownie points, and it doesn’t have to be expensive too.
On the road of life, there’s always another bus. You’ve got to understand that, and you’ve got to try and reach out to women, without going for that ultra-feminism stuff. In the end, it’s a twisting soul purge, a day-to-day deal, but it’s all worth it.