While having a drink at the bar and socializing, you notice a hot girl across the way. You want to speak to her, and you want to get to know her but you’re not even sure where to begin. With the right steps, the right tips and tricks and the right frame of mind; you’re going to be in the sweet spot needed to attract her attention and intrigue her just enough so that she wants to learn more about you, what you have to offer and perhaps even feel safe enough to leave with you, or want to go out on an actual date with you another time.

If you’re looking for someone to have a relationship with, people say do not meet in bars but many great relationships have started in them and yours can too.

Confidence is Always Key

Prepare yourself mentally for the step of talking to the women before actually talking to her. Let yourself know that rejection is okay, but you’re going to want to grab her attention before she does this. When you speak to yourself, prepare yourself and know what you’re about to do; you’re giving yourself much more confidence than you have and slowing the anxiety that you feel so that you have the nerve to walk over there and say what you want to say. It might not be easy, but it can be done. Use this while picking up girls other places like a store, or the mall.

Remember, confidence is different from cockiness… be confident, not arrogant.

The Right Placement

When staging a house this might seem like a good headline but believe it or not, it is a good one to have when standing in a bar and waiting to meet women around you. You do not want to stand by the entrance since women just want their drinks and refrain from dancing by yourself on the dance floor (yes, men sometimes do this) and try to grab your drink but move away from the bar so you do not seem like a clinger. The best place is off to the side where there is heavy female traffic. This can be by the women’s bathroom, or even by an area where women like to go for safe haven.

Tip: Find the sweet spot and stay put unless you want another drink, or are buying her a drink.

Know When to Spot an Entrance

Many times guys become side tracked or do not know when the best time to swoop in is while at a bar. This is a common theme with men, and one that can be avoided all together if you can recognize when the best time is. Women doing shots are those that want to loosen up, have a good time and will talk easier with men around them. This is an open chance for you to go and speak to her. Offer to buy the next round of shots and even do a few with her. Not noticing this opening means another man might.

Another note, a woman that is always looking around is impatient and wants a man to come over and speak to her. When she makes eye contact with you, it is your opening that says she likes something about her, so you better get over there and talk to her!

Be Happy

If you’re in the bar or club and you’ve had a bad day then we can understand why you’re upset but when you’re moping about and thinking you’re going to meet a woman, then know that this is not the best approach and she is not going to want to speak with you. You need to put on that happy face, even if you’re not feeling happy. If you don’t think you can do it, drink inside the comforts of your own home where you can feel sorry for yourself and no one has to be subjected to your emotions.

Remember, sloppy, sad and sappy drunks are not a turn on either so keep it tight and controlled.

Don’t Use Pick Up Lines…

…unless you want to look like this guy

cheesy pickup line

Those crappy lines that are overused and super cheesy are going to make her cringe. If you use them, you just demoted yourself back down to the bottom of the ladder and you’re going to continue being shot down time after time if you follow the path of pick up line destruction. Consider the essentials of moving forward, of learning to find new ways to start conversations besides the pick up lines that are like bad jokes that no one laughs at but yourself.

Consider saying something like, “I love this song!”, or something observational and start chatting her up from there.

Reading Body Language and Deciding

When it comes to deciding on whether or not she likes you or wants you to go away, you have to learn how to read her body language. She can speak a whole different language to you just by the way she moves her body or the way she touches her face, ears, hair. You can even tell by the way she fidgets or shows that she is nervous. Some guys will come right out and say, “would you like me to go away?” While this might seem ideal to get you to the answer of whether or not she likes you, it might be too direct and shows that you’re not too confident. Feel her out, give her around 20 minutes of your time to find out if you get that vibe or not.

Always keep in mind that you should not overstay your welcome. Making her feel uncomfortable is not going to go well for anyone, just walk away.

Don’t be a Liar

Liars are not welcomed very often so if you are one, it might be time to go on the band wagon to recovery. You’re not going to get a lady but telling her that you sky dive from the highest towers or wrestle bears when all you are is an accountant or a cashier. Tell her the truth so she can get to know you a bit more. You want to also let her know you’re intentions. If you’re not looking for a long term thing, then she needs to know this. If you are looking for something long term, this is yet another thing to let her know.

Tip: Keep her intrigued in who you are, not necessarily what you do; you never know what she’s looking for in a man.

Know Your Strengths

know your strengths

The strengths that you have should stand out. You should use them to your advantage and know what they are when speaking to women. By showing them your strengths, you have something to work with if they do not like a lot about you. So if you have great eyes, make a lot of eye contact. If you have a smooth voice then speak with them a lot. If you have great height and posture then walk up to her and smile. There are many physical strengths, but if you find that you do not feel confident about those then consider other strengths. If you dress good, have a nice car, have a great job or anything else then you can use those to your advantage. Your strength does not have to be a physical one, it can be something else.

Do you not know what your strengths are? Ask some of the people you know, women or men what they think your strengths are. Use the one that is commented on the most. Once you know these, you can attract women anywhere

Closing Matters

If you do not close, then it is not a done deal. You do not want to worry about not being able to bring her home, continue the night or even go back to her place. By just grabbing her number, you can show that you’re a gentleman but it might also ruin your chances of going home with someone tonight. The words you say when leaving for the night matters depending on what you’re trying to get from her so you want to make the best closing statement that you can. Be direct, be forward and be charming when speaking with her. You want her to feel good about who you are.

Tip: Not every woman at the bar is looking to get laid, even if you are. Talk with her more, feel her out and find out what she is looking for so then you can choose the appropriate plan of action needed to get to the next step.

Whether you’re having a hard time or just needed a bit of direction to perfect your bar picking up skills, these should put you in the sweet spot needed to speak with many women. Learn who they are, what they do and get to know them as good as you’d like. It is all about the movements, the language and the way you present yourself when there is a sea of men, and you want just one of the women to notice you. You can make that happen.