Some of you are like, sex? I can barely get the courage to ask a girl out for a drink, let alone get her into bed.

Fear not grasshopper. If you follow even a quarter of the advice on this blog, it’s very likely you will find yourself in bed with a beautiful woman, eventually.

And when that fateful day comes, you better know what the hell you’re doing. Because nothing’s worse than a evening of electric sexual tension that ends with you blowing your load 30 seconds after entry.

Sorry to be so graphic, but the women I know tell me it happens way too often.

So, because I believe in you, and because I want you to be a hero to any girl who invites you home for the evening, I did an informal survey of some trusted lady friends. I asked them one question:

What kind of sex do you actually want?

Here’s what they said:

1. “I don’t have a switch. You need to warm me up.”

All the clichés are true my friends: “Men are like light bulbs: turn them on, they’re ready to go. Women are like a dimmer switch: you can turn them up or you can turn them down.”

Foreplay is not optional, even after a night of building sexual energy. A woman’s body doesn’t respond like yours does. You don’t have to understand it; just know that it’s true and make the right adjustment.

I promise you, if you go slow, her body will go from a flickering candle to a roaring fire by the time you’re ready to do the deed.

2. “Make me completely comfortable”

You need to make her comfortable in every single way you can. That includes everything from the room temperature to whether you keep the lights on or not. If she’s anxious at all, her body won’t respond to you, so you need to make sure you go way out of your way to ensure she’s comfortable.

This is true every time you’re intimate with a woman, but it’s especially true the first time. This is your one shot to make her feel truly sexy and appreciated. Blow it here and you probably won’t be invited back for further activity.

3. “Take the time to figure out what works with me.”

There are lots of tutorial books out there that will tell you what to do with a woman. All of them are wrong. Not because they’re factually wrong, but because every woman is different.

Studies have shown that about 75% of women can’t have an orgasm from penetration alone. That sounds like a lot, but it also means that 25% can climax from sex alone. The trouble for you is that you won’t know which kind of girl you’re with ahead of time.

So, again, take it slow. Make it about her for a while. Touch her in different ways and in different places to see what happens. When you get moans of pleasure and arching of the back, you’ll know you’ve found the sweet spot for her.

4. “Be confident and I’ll respond. Be timid and you’ll lose me.”

This one’s huge and was said by more than one of the girls I talked to. If you’re confident, women will respond to you, a fact that’s as true in your regular life as it is in the bedroom.

If you’re timid and unsure of yourself, it’ll be hard for her to get into it like she should. She’ll have to take the lead, which is an awkward position for many women to be in. Even if she’s confident enough to take charge, it plants a seed of doubt about you in her mind. If you can’t lead in the bedroom, can you lead when you need to in the rest of your life?

5. “Will you please tell them what a clitoris is?”

Despite my friend’s frustration, I generally find that most guys know what a clitoris is. What they don’t know is what to do with it. So listen closely, because this is important.

The clitoris is the single most important square inch on a woman’s body (sexually speaking anyway). It’s a small bud located at the top of her sex, usually covered by a hood of skin. Need a creepy medical picture as a refresher? That’s what Wikipedia is for: clitoris. Every woman responds to attention to the clitoris differently, so here’s how you should proceed…

Some women find direct clitoral pressure to be uncomfortable, so you should start with light touches either above or below the actual bud. Women who like a firmer touch will probably get frustrated with this pretty quickly and start begging for more pressure (either verbally or through hip movement). Either way, that’s a good thing for you.

When things get heated up a bit, use lubricant, either from a bottle or from simply dipping your fingers down a bit to engage some of the natural lube she’s probably already getting ready for you.

Then just follow her lead. If you start softly and work from there, it won’t be long before she’ll be putty under your touch.

6. “If you’ll go down on me, I’ll literally do anything you want.”

Speaking of natural lubricant, nature gifted you with a magical sex wand you can use to bring her to an earth-shattering orgasm every time. No I’m not talking about your penis. I’m talking about your tongue.

It’s naturally lubed, it’s exquisitely sensitive, and most women will adore you if you take the time to use it on their private parts. If you want to really blow her mind, try to take it past the standard lick and flick routine and mix in some gentle suction when she’s close to her climax or by gentle blowing if you want to tease out the action a little bit.

7. “Use conservative positions the first time. I want to be able to see your face.”

Most women want to see your face during sex, so you should take it easy with the crazy positions the first time you sleep with a girl.

Missionary and girl-on-top work great and have been the go-to positions for couples for years. And for good reason. For people who are deeply connected emotionally and physically, seeing each other really can enhance the experience.

A few weeks later the two of you can get a little more creative if you want. But there’s plenty of time for that. At the start, it’s ok to keep it conservative.

8. “It’s amazing when a man brings me to orgasm first.”

Chivalry isn’t dead guys, especially not in the bedroom. I happen to think that there’s nothing greater than bringing a woman to orgasm. Whether you’re fully between her legs or making her quiver during foreplay, giving a woman that kind of pleasure never gets old.

Women appreciate this kind of attention. Too many guys just get in, do the deed till their done, then get out. Not only is that selfish, it’s also missing half the fun. Tis better to give than to receive my friends.

Well, it’s good to receive too. Just make sure you’re the one who’s giving first.

9. “If he’ll cuddle with me afterwards, there’s more action in his future.”

Sex is an emotional experience for women, plain and simple. They do it (in part) because it makes them feel loved, secure, and wanted. That’s why post-coital cuddling is so important. It reaffirms for them that they made a good choice by inviting you to be a bedroom partner.

So when you’re done, cuddle up next to the girl, stroke her arm, run your fingers through her hair, and just generally be there with her for a few minutes.

A lot of times they’ll fall asleep under this kind of soft attention. If you have the time to stay with her, you might find a second round of action waiting for you when her she wakes up to find you still cuddled up next to her. At the least, you’ll probably get a smile and a good chance of future bedroom action sometime in the future.


Understanding what to do in the bedroom is a critical part of successful dating, and growing your confidence in this area will do wonders for you in all areas of your life.

Even though it feels intimidating for those of you without that much experience, it really boils down to putting the woman first, being confident in what you’re doing, and paying close attention to what’s working and what’s not with the girl you’re with.

Plus, if you made it to her bedroom, she probably wants to see you again anyway. If you give her great sex on top of it, chances are good that you’ll have many more nights together in the weeks and months to come.

What do you think? Any secret moves that have worked well for you in the bedroom?