Before I begin this lesson, I want to explain the difference between “inner” and “outer” game. It seems that most men focus more on outer game because they feel the only way to attract women is to look good and be “smooth”.
But the truth is – if you don’t first address your inner game, you won’t look good or approach women smoothly.
Inner game is all about howyou think about yourself (confidence, self-esteem), the world and women. Outer is all about your physical approach to women, your looks, etc. It’s all a domino effect. If you are self-confident and have a positive outlook on life, your outer game will reflect a man that is attractive.
Let’s say you are naturally physically attractive. You have an advantage over those that aren’t. So how do guys that weren’t born tall, dark and handsome beat out those men for attractive women? By perfecting an inner game.
Physical attraction only goes so far. If the guy looks good but lacks confidence and has a negative mentality, he instantly becomes unattractive. Conversely, if a man that isn’t blessed with amazing looks can approach women with confidence, he instantly becomes more attractive.
So how do you build that inner confidence?
The saying, “practice makes perfect”, doesn’t just hold true for athletes. It holds true for everything you do in life. You will never perfect your inner game until you get out there and try to meet women. Confidence is built by achieving success. You can’t achieve success until you try something.
I know what you’re thinking – you’re afraid of rejection. By not approaching women, you can’t get rejected, thus, saving you a potentially soul-crushing, “hell no, I wouldn’t give you my digits if you were the last man on earth, you nasty loser”.
But do you want to know what is even more soul-crushing? Your friends getting all the girls…
while you’re home alone playing World of Warcraft on Friday nights
The point is until you start approaching women you won’t develop confidence. You’ll continue having this, “I’m afraid of women” mentality. It’s a low risk proposition to not approach women. You can’t get rejected that way, but you also won’t get a girl, which is even worse.
So what’s the solution? Approach women. Set a goal and approach X-amount of women each time you go out. Don’t worry about rejection. In fact, expect rejection. Embrace it. You’re probably wondering how you will ever build confidence if you continually get rejected. Have you ever heard the saying, “you can’t reach the mountain top until you fall off the cliff”?
I’m not sure who came up with that quote. Perhaps I just made it up. But it makes perfect sense. Going out there and getting rejected shouldn’t destroy your confidence. Because, after some practice, those rejections will turn into, “do me now’s”. And that will build up your confidence.
Michael Jordan was initially cut from his high school basketball team. That’s right, the greatest basketball player of all-time wasn’t, at one point, good enough to make a high school squad in North Carolina. That is the ultimate rejection right there. But, as you probably know, Jordan became an NBA superstar a few years later. It just goes to show how rejection is something we must all face.
Getting rejected by women isn’t a big deal
You can’t fear rejection. Many guys get crazy beliefs that they will always get rejected no matter how hard they try to impress women. But what they don’t realize is if they actually put in effort to approach women the right way, more women would say, “yes” than they think.
So here’s what I want you to do – start approaching women. Start off small, maybe 2-3 conversations on your next evening out. Just be casual. If a cute girl is sitting next to you and appears friendly, introduce yourself. Remember what I said earlier about how important it is to have a strong inner game? You’re never going to have a strong inner game if you don’t first improve your outer game.
What I mean by that is, like I said earlier, your confidence won’t rise until you start getting some positive results. And you won’t get any positive results until you get some negative results to learn from, unless you have beginners luck. Start working on your outer game, but expect the results to be lacking until you have developed a strong inner game.
Inner game success leads to overall happiness, healthy relationships
I’ve met some miserable people in my life. Some of these people are actually quite successful with the ladies. Or, at least, successful in being able to score one-night stands or occasional booty calls. But none of them are successful at building long-term relationships. And not just with women. They can’t hold friendships either. Where are they lacking? Their inner games are flawed.
Outer game only gets you so far. Inner game is what keeps things together. An old college buddy of mine was very skilled with women back in the day. He could walk into any sorority or bar near campus and never left without a hottie on his shoulder. It was a thing of beauty. Guys in our group of friends idolized him for this. We would always ask him how he does it.
You might think he is the type of guy you should look up to, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He was a miserable S.O.B. He had nothing else going for him. His inner game was as bad as his outer game was good. It was all looks to him. His personality was horrible.
And, quite frankly, his approach wasn’t that great. But he could pull a dumb, uneducated girl that wasn’t smart enough to know any better. To make a long story short, he aged faster than most and later in life and no longer has his looks going for him. Which is exactly why inner game is the most important.
Women respond positively to those that appear friendly
Too many guys focus on getting to know those that they think have a high social value. This is a horrible mentality to have for a couple of reasons. If a hot chick next to you asks you where a good place to eat is, you’ll probably ramble on for minutes about top restaurants in town. Why? Because she’s hot and, therefore, has high social value, in the minds of insecure, stuck-up people.
But what about if someone with low social value asks the same question (i.e. a 300-pound, 50-year old woman)? You probably won’t give much of an answer, but you should. You see, one thing that sets men that are successful with women out from others is they do not decide whether or not to chat with someone based on how shallow people rate their social value. They chat with people based on how friendly that person is.
Women pick up on this. You become instantly attractive to women – hot women – you appear fun and friendly. Being known as the guy that will talk to anyone leads to being approached by random attractive women. The next time you’re out, take a look around at the different guys you see. I’ll bet you the ones that have women chatting with them are the ones that are friendly to everyone in the establishment.
Exercises that help improve your inner game
Getting back to the inner game discussion, I want to focus on certain exercises geared towards developing a strong inner game.
Exercise #1 : Get a heart rate monitor (they’re cheap) and make some phone calls to different people. After each call, check the monitor to see where your heart rate stands. The purpose of this exercise is to gage how fast your heart beats when speaking to people that might make you nervous versus those you are more comfortable with.
Call your parents or a best friend first. These are people you are extremely comfortable talking to so your heart rate shouldn’t pick up much. Then call up a girl you’ve been crushing on and see where your heart rate stands. Knowing how you react to certain situations will help immensely.
Exersize #2 : Bob Proctor created an awesome DVD and CD entitled, “Born Rich”. Get that. In his DVD, he shared a creative and highly effective exercise that will greatly improve your inner game. Here’s what you need to do:
- Sit down and think about your future and what your dream life would be. Now pretend you are in the future and have achieved this dream life. Write a short letter explaining just how awesome it is to lead such an amazing life. Write the letter in the present tense (i.e. “I’m loving my life because I have become…”).
- Spend 20-30 visualizing this dream life. Close your eyes and don’t open them until you’ve truly visualized everything you wrote about. Imagine the money you’re making, the gorgeous ladies in your life, the fancy cars you own, etc.
- Now rewrite your letter, saying something similar but not verbatim.
This is an activity you should do every once in a while. The next time you do it, don’t worry about the first step. Go straight to the second step and visualize what you wrote in step 3 the last time you did the activity. Then rewrite it again. Rinse and repeat. It’s as simple as that. This exercise seems cheesy and ridiculous, but it works. I guarantee it.
Exercises such as these must become consistent activities in your life. Doing them once or twice won’t do you any good. You must be persistent with your efforts in order to build a strong inner game. In the meantime, work on your outer game as often as possible. Eventually, with the combination of a strong inner and outer game that you’re going to develop, you’ll become a highly attractive male.