How many times has this happened to you…?
You’re out at a bar and just across the room you see this GORGEOUS chick. You think to yourself, “Oh my God…I have to talk her.”
You know what you’ve heard the “experts” say to do in this situation:
Three second rule bro. You HAVE to approach her immediately or you’re on your way to failure.
…but of course you don’t make a move within those three seconds. You’re only human after all. Like millions before you in your situation, you decide to hang back and contemplate just exactly how you’re going to approach her.
You sit there for a while agonizing over what to say to this girl. Should you open with a joke? Maybe make some witty, situational comment about the guy across the room who just got a drink thrown in his face? She has a really interesting dress on, should you say something about that?
Dozens of opening lines go through your head…
Finally, you settle on right the words for this particular situation and you rehearse them in your head a dozen times until you’ve got them down by heart.
After psyching yourself up a little longer, you at last get the courage to walk up to her and deliver that line you’ve been contemplating for the last 10 minutes.
The words come out smoothly with a confident smile. Your body language is on point. She smiles back at you and laughs at your wittiness.
Jackpot! Everything should be smooth sailing from here!
…but it isn’t.
You spent all of your time and energy figuring out how to start talking to her but didn’t give any thought to what to do if she responded positively to your advance.
You freeze up, unsure of what to say now and then it hits…the dreaded awkward silence.
You panic a little bit inside and it becomes momentarily visible in your face. Your powerful body language breaks down and you lose all of the momentum you created with that great opener.
Soon, that confident first impression you created for yourself has vanished from her mind and her opinion of you is now dropping fast. A situation that had great potential mere seconds ago is now likely to end in disaster and disappointment.
This is one of the biggest downfalls for millions of guys out there who aren’t “naturals” but still try to approach women. They focus 90% of their energy on how to “open” a girl and devote very little thought to the rest of the interaction!
Your opening line probably takes 15 seconds to deliver but it might take 15 minutes of chatting with a girl to get her to feel super comfortable with you. That’s less than 2% of your interaction with her!
Taking an approach like this is akin to a football coach spending the whole week of practice scripting the first play of the game and then just winging the strategy for the next four quarters. Do you think any NFL coaches take this approach? Hell no!
When you approach a woman, you need to have an overall game plan.
You’re not going to win a woman’s affection with an opener. Your initial approach is merely a way to get your foot in the door with her and start a potential interaction. When a woman reacts positively to your open, she’s giving you implicit permission to continue the conversation. Yes, first impressions are important. But it is in the ensuing conversation that a woman finalizes her decision about whether or not she is likely to someday sleep with you.
Fixating on the opener and neglecting to plan the rest of your conversation is like scripting the first play and having no game plan. It’s like obsessing over a single battle while having no strategy for winning the war.
The Gameplan – What to do after you open a woman
There are more than one ways to skin a cat. In the case of picking up a girl, there are probably literally 10,000 ways. I’m certainly not going to cover them all here. What we do want to focus on right now is the big picture strategy: “What am I trying to accomplish when I talk to a girl”
This is my general “big picture” process:
- Open (easy!) – This is where you initiate conversation in a manner that makes a woman decides whether she would even like to begin interacting with you in the first place.
- Qualify (harder)– This is where I use conversation to build comfort and establish that there is general compatibility between us.
- Escalate (hardest) – This is where things heat up. Once a certain degree of comfort is reached, I am now trying establish a deeper connection and cement myself in her mind as a potential sexual partner.
After you open a woman you MUST go into the qualification stage. Your goal for this stage is simple:
Get her talking about herself, as quickly as possible and as much as possible.
Plan out some questions in advance that will accomplish this. But in a gradual way where you slowly work the conversation to a more personal level. A possible series might look like this when approaching some girls in their early twenties:
- Ask about the current situation: “So what are you guys celebrating tonight?“
- Ask about a future situation: “Will you be continuing the fun tomorrow too? I’m working and I have to live vicariously through you” (note how I’m being playful while distancing myself to make sure they don’t think I’m trying to make plans with them)
- Transition to safe, personal topics: “So what do you like to do when you’re not drinking tequila? [slightly cocky smile]” (again, playful and I ease myself into some more personal conversation)
All of these questions will elicit responses that give me the opportunity to ask some related follow-ups and prompt them to keep on chatting. When the conversation stalls, I’ll move on to the next talking point and again try to feed off their responses on the spot to get them to keep talking.
While it’s almost impossible to anticipate and have a unique follow-up for every response, it is extremely doable to have a general strategy for where to move the conversation as well as some pre-scripted questions to keep things going forwards when things drop off.
The escalation stage is where things get a little tricky. If you’ve successfully made it through the qualification stage, you’ve created a certain level of comfort with her, as well as demonstrated enough value to take the conversation to a deeper level. It is now your job to start building intimacy. You must establish a deeper, more personal connection while establishing sexual compatibility.
It is very difficult to foster intimacy and establish that you have sexual worth, while continuing with the same safe, generic lines of conversation you used in the qualification stage. You have to step outside the box, go deeper and take some more risks if you are going do successfully differentiate yourself from the pack. A girl has to feel that your connection is authentic and the things you are talking about are real and not scripted.
Unfortunately, the very nature of the escalation stage makes it almost impossible to plan out a conversation like you can so easily do in the qualification stage. For this reason, many of you will once again fall victim to that cruel, killer of attraction:
The awkward silence.
Eventually, the generic line of conversation will run its course. She will either run out of things to say or begin to feel like the interaction isn’t going anywhere and grow bored. What will you do then?
This is where being prepared really comes in handy. You need to develop a “social toolbox” – a number of tricks that you keep up your sleeve and can bust out ANY time at a moment’s notice to salvage a conversation that has suddenly stalled.
To this day, I still find myself suddenly stumbling into a stalled conversation on occasion. But I’m almost ALWAYS able to rescue the situation because I can reach into my toolbox and pull out any number of slick moves to steer that sinking ship back on course.
I have one trick in particular that is my absolute FAVORITE to use. Why?
- It’s versatile and can be used in almost any situation
- It creates authentic and spontaneous conversation
- It tells me valuable information about the girl I’m with
- It automatically creates sexual tension
- It elevates my status above the “chumps” around me
And it does all this while being incredibly easy to remember and implement. What’s not to love?
Do this now…
CLICK HERE to learn how to implement my favorite routine. Start building up your own social tool box today and never be left at a loss for words with a girl again.
Thanks for reading!