A successful opener will get you far with a woman. But it doesn’t seal the deal. The next steps you take will make or break your chances with her. If you got a positive reaction to your opener, it’s all about keeping her interested now. You know she’s intrigued in some way by you, so now it’s time to finish it off.
There are some guys that are very good about getting an initial positive reaction. They’re smooth and almost always get a girl to laugh and smile right off the bat. But they can’t seem to keep her attention. If a girl is initially interested in you, that doesn’t mean she’s going to sleep with you.
It just means she’s already considering it. “Considering” being the key word. The post-opener phase is where you convince her that she really wants you. You do that by holding an interesting conversation. Women like to talk and they like attention. If you can hold her attention, that means she likes you.
Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
If you’ve ever played Texas Hold ‘Em, you know that sometimes you just have to lay a hand down and surrender the pot because you know you’re beat. It’s a frustrating experience, but you just got to man up and do it. The same can be said about the pickup game.
When a woman you’re attracted to makes it clear she wants nothing to do with you, it’s time to end the game. There’s no convincing a woman that has already made up her mind about you. Nothing you do will change that. Guys often won’t take the hint when she says, “My friends are waiting for me”.
This is a clear indication she doesn’t like you and never will like you, unless she invites you to join her. If a girl liked you and she actually did have to get up to do something (i.e. dance, get a drink), she would invite you to join her.
She didn’t turn her back on me after my opener, how do I proceed?
It’s a good sign when she doesn’t come up with an excuse to ditch you after your opener. That means there is some initial interest. So now we have to come up with a plan to keep her interested. Let’s take a look at some possible strategies:
We all know how uncomfortable dead silence is in a conversation, not just with women, but anyone. It’s no fun to sit there with nothing to say to someone you don’t know all that well. But what if I told you that you could use dead silence to your advantage? Crazy, hu? But I’m totally serious…
Let’s say you start things off with a, “how’s it going?” and get a, “not bad” response, so you respond to that with, “cool”. This appears to be the beginning of a conversation going nowhere, right? That’s true…most of the time. But now let’s say you just sort of stand there looking at the wall while she’s next to you.
In her head, she’s thinking, “wow, this guy just approached me and that’s all he had to say?” In many cases, she will just turn her head and never say a word to you. But in some cases, she will actually take the initiative to start a conversation with you. That’s a dream scenario, but it does happen from time to time.
This only works if the girl is outgoing. If she’s quiet and shy, it’s over. An outgoing girl, even if she doesn’t have an initial sexual attraction to you, might ask you a question such as, “so what’s your name?” This will give you an opportunity to comfortably chat with her and build up your sexual attraction.
While I have successfully used this strategy, the success rate is low. You have to pull it off smoothly and find the right women to use it on. A better strategy is to simply develop strong conversation skills, which brings me to my next point…
Get used to being sociable
The way to learn conversation skills and always feel comfortable chatting with women is to start being sociable. What I mean by that is to start talking to everyone you come in contact with. I don’t care if it’s a security guard, the old man sitting next to you at a restaurant or a hot babe, just say something to them.
It can be anything. Just spark a short conversation. For example, if you see a homeless man on the street, say, “here’s 50 cents, it’s a hot one out here today, I hope you get inside to some air conditioning soon”. The purpose of this is to get used to being sociable and talking to people.
If you become more sociable and get used to speaking to random people, it will help you when meeting women. Once you have practiced your social skills, meeting women will be easy. Getting them into bed after meeting them will be even easier. This will, in time, become so natural you don’t even think about it.
What to discuss with women
Now that you’re comfortable talking to women, let’s go over the topics you should discuss. But first, I must caution you. There are certain no-no’s such as politics and religion. Since you don’t know this woman, you have no idea what her beliefs are or how strong her beliefs are.
If your beliefs differ from hers, you might offend her. So stick to topics that are neutral and are unlikely to spark a heated debate. You want to get down her pants, not debate with her all night. The topic should be interesting. When you speak, you should express positive emotion and genuine interest in the topic.
It’s not difficult to find something to talk to a girl about. Pay attention to her. Ask her about her interests. Ask her what she likes to do, what makes her happy, etc. And then act as if you are genuinely interested in the same things. Don’t ever knock her for the things she likes to do, unless she likes golden showers, and then it’s okay because you should avoid her anyway.
Escalating from “friend” level to “sexual partner” level
An interesting conversation is all fine and dandy, but this is also where many guys get placed into the proverbial “Friendzone”. Once you’re in the Friendzone, you’re never getting out. This happens when a guy interests a girl with a great conversation, but he never escalates it to a sexual level.
He becomes a “friend” because he’s the type the girl would always like to have come out with her because he’s fun to chat with, but there is no sexual attraction. Because of the risk of getting placed in the Friendzone, I suggest escalating things physically as soon as possible.
No, I don’t mean to stick your hands down her pants a minute after meeting her. Physical touch should be light. At first, you’ll probably be sitting across from each other or in some way that doesn’t involve any physical contact. After you make your approach and then succeed with your opener, make contact.
Making contact simply by lightly brushing up against her does a couple of things for you. If she’s interested in you sexually, you’ll know it right away by her reaction. A girl that doesn’t pull away and embraces the physical contact is attracted. If she does pull away, you need to keep talking to build more comfort.
Also, by making contact early on, you are eliminating potential to slip into the Friendzone. You’re making it clear that you want her sexually and not just as a homegirl.
No matter how strong your game is, sometimes there are distractions that ruin things for you. Those distractions are her friends, other patrons in the bar, etc. It’s important to get as much time with her alone as possible and to not allow her friends to prevent her from getting to know you.
This is often a difficult task. First off, you must hold an interesting conversation so that she spends more time focusing on you than her friends. But even with that, her friends may come up and try to get her away from you. It may not be to get you to go away, they just might want to spend time with her.
Or, it could be them trying to bail her out because they, for some reason, don’t like you. Either way, it’s essential to keep her focus on you even if her friends have joined in. One way to do that is to be extremely friendly to her friends. If they don’t like you, she won’t like you. You want to win her friends over.
Women care what their friends think about the guys they date. If you rub her best friend the wrong way, you’re in trouble. But if you make a positive impression on her friends, you’re “in”.
With that said, you need to make sure she keeps her focus more on you than the banter going on between her friends. If you must, spend some time chatting it up with her girlfriends. After a while, tell her you’d like to get to know her better and invite you to join you at a 2-person table or somewhere her friends can’t join.
This table should be at least 50 feet from her group of friends. The purpose of this is to isolate her in a spot her friends can’t be a distraction. When you take her away, make sure to say “goodbye” and “nice to meet you” to her friends. This will make a good impression on her.
A final tip
Before I wrap this lesson up, I need to give you one final thing to look for. Some women are flirtatious. It’s in their nature. Guys often mistake this type of behavior for the girl wanting The D. You have to be aware if the girl is just being friendly/flirtatious or if she really does want The D.
How do you find this out? It’s all in what I said earlier about physical touch. And it’s another reason it is very important to make physical contact early on. This helps weed out the habitual flirters with the horny broads.
Some outgoing, flirtatious women won’t jump away when a guy they don’t want to screw touches them. This type of woman often is so used to physical contact with guys and girls that they don’t think twice about it. To them, it isn’t sexual, it’s just their way of interacting.
But there is a point where the physical contact is too much, and this is where you find out what her intentions are. If she hasn’t pushed you away when making initial light contact, push the limits and see how she reacts. Put your hand around her waste and then move it down to the booty and rub, don’t grab.
Just a nice light, playful rub. This is where you’re going to determine for sure if she wants The D. If she doesn’t react negatively to this, and maybe even gives you a sexy smile, you’re in the clear. She wants it. So don’t screw things up and make her change her mind!